ako 'to

^_^

2008-12-14T04:39:00.000-08:00

it was indeed a long time since i posted in this blog. in those times a lot of things have changed that may have affected my own life. it started with the frustrating batch meeting of my batch. words of disappointment were heard with the teachers whom we believe to be the most "reliable" faculty members we could have in our entire high school life. as christmas makes is way on to my so called "pressure" list wrinkles in my face becomes more evident.(here are my pressure list):

top 5: the projects that is yet to be submitted gives me the headache that bothers me a lot
top 4: the christmas dance entitled "let it be the best"... no one understands me from wishing to wear something elegant...they don't get my point of hoping to be at my best...
top 3: gifts!!! the pressure of giving gifts to my friends frightens me
top 2: the intramurals 2009! it will surely be a clash of different forces...the pre-matuer(freshmen), last year's underdogs(sophies)the "big faces"(juniors)and of course the bullies(seniors)

...
toping the list in my pressure list is...(drum beat) the day after tomorrow...it really frightens me to think about the following day, its as if someone runs after me that a lot of things should be done...:(( huhuhuhu!!!

(i'll pray na talaga next time promise)
signing out

i was moved

2008-11-22T20:37:00.000-08:00

last friday, during our ccf class that is around 12-1:00 in the afternoon, we had a seatwork regarding the psalms from the bible. in that given seatwork we were also asked to write a letter for forgiveness to anyone whom we wish, i did write one, for my brother:(:-d. it reads:
Dear Kuya,
I have always idolized you since the day I came out in this world. I have seen every accomplishments you've made that made me idolize you even more. But now, I would like to ask for forgiveness for simply irritating you each day and for being a worthless brother. I promise that I will remain your fan and that i will always be here if you need someone to lean onto.

Avid fan,
Michael

:((

**signing out

LIFE!!!!

2008-11-19T03:04:00.000-08:00

Well, first thing to share is about the academic week. The whole week was a lot of fun. As in, i was just star gazing before i left the school each day...well, the true story is this. ACADEMIC WEEK IS SO STRESSFUL! arghh...(though it paid off)i was really foolish...isipin niyo inangkin ko lahat....AS IN LAHAT!!! i asked for everything and lost in almost everything:))...true enough academic week is one event in the high school department in which you should worry about, not because of the pressure of having almost every subject as a contest but to be in the usual tradition of excellence...
everyday i have one common line to tell my friends and myself:"naku, matapos lang talaga tong linggong to, okei na ako...pwede na akong magpahinga"
bottom line:hay...SUPER SAYA!

the following days...

...came in a surprise

This week...i am quite unsure of what to take in consideration. Should i pull off my enjoyment for everyone or should i enjoy and let them learn to survive?
I thought i wouldn't have any stress-causing events for a long time...i thought! pero wala pang isang linggo...problema na naman...1,2,3

1) Lets' start with the "Peace and Order" thing(as they call it).We recently had a meeting with the class presidents and/or representatives regarding the said matter. ELIZABETH SETON SCHOOL HIGH SCHOOL DEPARTMENT IS OFFICIALLY IN A BIG CHAOS...why?!simply because there's no give-and-take relationship that is seen in the faculty and students na! ahirap po kayang puro na lang teachers ang kumikilos while the students don't cooperate...or vice versa.

Please!Please!please lang poh!

2)Field Trip! B-O-R-I-N-G! both places na pinuntahan ng batch namin, super boring...ung mga sumama pumunta sa isang lugar na pangkaraniwan yung mga naiwan/hindi sumama nasa library buong araw! what the hell is happening:))!!!grabeh na...wait!

---lost of words---

hay!

3)last...intramurals 08-09
-kailangan po naman kayo, yung suporta niyo po ang pinaka kailangang namin
-magtutulungan po kaming ipakita sa inyo na kaya pang magbago
-susubukan pa naming buhayin ang namamatay nang pag-asa sa batch na 'to
=lastly, lalaban kami...hindi lang para sa karangalan,pero, kaya kami lalaban para po maipakta sa inyo na mahal namin kayo kaya handa kaming mapahiya o maghirap para sa inyo!!

---help!---

**Lord God, thank You for another day that you have blessed and given upon us. Truly, each day has been wonderful because of Your deeds. Each day, it has been a christmas for us for us long as we live with each side-by-side. You have amazes us in many ways possible. We assure You Lord God not us a person but as Your sons and daughter that everything we will do should not only be for ourselves but for everyone else, Amen

lots of things...

2008-11-04T04:49:00.000-08:00

okay. so here is the run through of the things to discuss:
1.promise broken(again!)
2.what's wrong with me?
3.laziness

1.promise broken(again!)
-->on my very first post in this blog, i have posted there that i would not miss just a single day without posting something. i meant it. on the first time i missed posting in this blog, i neglected. "never mind, the things i've done is more important than this blog".that was one thing i told myself that day. days passed, i've missed posting for a day;2 days, 3 days...and four.

what the hell is happening to me!

just before posting this blog, i've realized something. nothing is more important than this blog for nowif i miss a single blog then that would be a great reason for me to stop posting for a while. in that small while i will be able to reach a thousand times of missing a new post. this blog is really important to me, specially that i don't express my state of being to other people. I AM DUALISTIC.i need this blog, and writing in this blog is a major component of my life that helps me forget everything.(*sigh)

2. what's wrong with me?
--> hindi ko talaga alam kung anong meron sakin this year. masyado kong pinagpipilitang sumali sa lahat-lahat. pinagpipiltan kong maging kilala sa lahat ng aspeto. ako ba ang my may mali sa buhay ko o yung mga taong nakapaligid sa akin at walang sawa sa pagpuna sa mga pagkukulang bilang isang ESTUDYANTE? masama bang gumawa ng isang bagay na gusto mo? ang alam ko hindi! hindi ko rin maintindihan kung bakit kailangan nilang ipamukha sakin kung ano ako dapat. nakakainis. magkaiba po kami, uulitin ko lang. hindi niyo po pwedeng sabihin na you're expecting a lot from me, dahil hindi porke magkapatid kami eh pareho kami ng katauhan.

argh!
ayoko na!
our power v.s. their power...
...which will succeed?

the power of the people who believes that each individual is unique and different...

...or the people who thinks that talent is passed through each people's blood?

3.laziness
-->sinalihan ko lahat. i've joined every contest in the academic week. not because i still wanna prove something but because i want this. i want this so badly. i simply love everything. but, i still don't understand why in some point of my personality, i easily stop...and be lazy. ANDAMI KAYANG MADADAMAY.KALA MO!. grabeh.

exhausted na uli itong kaawa-awa kong utak

-->i've learned na...dapat lang noh! ayoko nang maisip pa kung ganu kawalang-awa tong mundong to. mula sa bawat tao, estudyante, guro hanggang sa gobyerna....

**(ayoko muna gumawa ng prayer ngayon, medyo masama pa yung kalagayan ng utakko eh...pangit naman kong magdadasal ako ng masama naman yung laman ng utak koh)(sori)

dOconfusedOb

my stress-free day has just ended

2008-10-29T05:21:00.000-07:00

i woke up this morning thinking again of one thing, at last i'm normal...AGAIN! i've been a freak this past months. i've been very weird...why? simply because my mind works each day for about 23 hrs. and 59 mins. as in a single minute lang ata ung rest ng utak ko. today? everything will be different. EVERYTHING WILL BE DIFFERENT(emphasized). let's start with my mind set, yes yes everythings great...wala akong problema ngayon.tama! as in wala.not unless proproblemahin ko pati si kambing, pero i won't it's useless baka masira lang itong STRESS-FREE DAY KO!second, everything is erased. i was trying off super hard kanina. wala kasing pumapasok sa utak ko,kainis! arghh...mahirap nga parang pati yung creativity ko(well as they call it) bigla na lamang naglaho. ugh! kainis. third, wala akong ibang inisip kundi ang magsaya at kailangan kong lubos-lubusin ang araw na 'to. bakit? KASI PARANG ONCE IN A MILLENIUM NA LANG TOH MANGYAYARI. well, nahirapan talaga ako, i must admit. nahirapan akong umalis sa aking normal na buhay. it was very hard for me to be out of my normal life.(that's for, normal life ko yun)it's very hard to do especially if a lot of things might happen if i've done this a long time ago!mahirap talaga! honestly!

**Lord, You've given us a lot of things that is essential in our lives. We might have done things mistakenly, but we assure that we will be doing our best to make the best out of the things You've given us. Just be with us Lord every step of the way, so that everything maybe pleasing to your sight, Amen.

ningas kugon

2008-10-28T06:43:00.000-07:00

our section, basilan 08-09 has a lot of great potentials. that is what we believe and that is what our teachers is telling us. we believe, of course! we've shown a lot of people that we are not just students, we are talented. hay!!!iba na talaga ako magyabang ngayon,nyahaha! honestly,.. oo kaya namin(bihira ako magsabi ng ganun). we've placed second in a contest that is said to be a win with less than 50% of our skills...:)..(isang teacher ang nagsabi niyan)tama nga! kaya namin, pero ayaw namin! nakakainis talaga. bakit lahat ng katamran napunta sa'min?!bakit?!parati naming hindi natatapos ang isang bagay na sobrang ganda nung pinaplano pa lang. nakakainis! sayang lahat! ewan...basta ang alam ko kaya namin, ayaw lang talaga namin kumilos...kung kikilos man hindi tatapusin!

**Lord,you have given each one of use certain talents and capabilities in which we may share with the other people. You have blessed us not only with material goods, but also the things that we need in order for us to serve you, Lord, we may have mistaken other things to be valuable and so we are very sorry for this things. Just stay with us Lord, and let your shower be upon us always, Amen

Renewed

2008-10-27T05:37:00.000-07:00

ginawa ko na yung gusto kong gawin, ang burahin ang lahat ng bagay sa aking utak...
kelan?...
nung sabado at kahapon, linggo...

ang sarap ng feeling...

pagod...

renewed...

happy...

unstoppable...

LIVING and LOVING...
Right with Him...Freed by Him...

(sorry babawi ako tomorrow, i was'nt able to post yesterday due to severe ilnnes that is called, Love for God!)

slowly breathing

...i've done it a while ago...

2008-10-24T05:19:00.000-07:00

i stopped my mind from working...

...pure silence, i erased everything

...okay na ako

pagod..

2008-10-23T06:19:00.000-07:00

(inhale)...

(exhale)...

(inhale)...

(exhale)...

...konti na lang susuko na...
...kaya pa nang katawan ko, kasu nahihirapan na yung utak kong humabol dahil sa bilis ng mga pangyayari...

this is when my heart is about to give up

2008-10-22T05:08:00.000-07:00

i was running the whole time... i was running so fast because i thought i would be late. i thought i would be late in coping up with the things i missed in life. i missed the time wherein i can still study. i missed the time wherein i could still laugh. of course i still laugh, but in a very short while. in that short while, i forget my problems even in the shortest time possible. it's really hard to give your ideas to other people if you yourself couldn't comprehend with this problems anymore. this is when my heart is about to give up,but , before i give off my last breath i heard footsteps... there where shadows lurking around. it was you. i cried and shouted: "i missed you!". i was very glad for your unexpected comeback. i felt it through my nerves. my feeling wasn't great...

...
...it was ecstatic. i never knew that i would still see you after the long wait and such suffering i experienced. we walked together, and told you everything that happened since you were gone, it exclaimed:"everything wasn't pointless i see, it is worth the wait".
...you cried
...then you laughed
...you stopped and told me. "of course your wait is worth it, i am your soul and welcome to a knew life with me".

"time is such a welcomed guest while shadow is a dark, deep surprise".

:) i will never forget you

**i'll have the traditional kind of posting tomorrow...just trying a new one...

forced to limits..

pangalan...

2008-10-21T05:03:00.000-07:00

grabe talaga ka...andaming nagtanong ngayong araw about sa intrams ng first year; kung okay na daw...nakakainis.wat d you expect hindi pa?!?,...sorry but we want to be different, kahit matalo kami sa intrams for as long as alam naming we did our best...okay na yun! sana wala ng mangyaring masama, sana okay na kami sa teachers bukas...kasu parang mahirap kasi parang paggising nila sa bawat araw isa lang maiisip nila yung pangalan mo...kumikinang at nakapaskil kung ano ka sa kanila. sana pwede akong magpalit ng pangalan ura-urada, sana rin sa pagpalit ko ng pangalan kasama rito ang pagpalit ko ng katauhan. parang natural selection ba... yung ang matitira ay ung mga pinakamagagandang katangian. by the way, everything is set for our intrams...just poloshing some details and just waiting for the possibile outcome. sana hindi useless, ayokong magaya sa mga losers! kahit matalo ka as long as nakitaan ka ng interes you will not be called a loser. ang loser ay yung mga hindi marunong tumanggap ng pagkatalo. sila yung mga taong walang ibang inisip kundi ang manalo kahit wala naman silang ginagawa. sophomores,JUNIORS, SENIORS... grabe big names. balita ko nga malakas yung team ngayon ng juniors and seniors...

sophies, malay ko sa kanila... bahala sila sa buhay nila, bahala na sila. isa lang naman ang kailangan nilang gawin para maibalik yung respeto ng batch namin sa kanila eh, yun yung ipakita nila sa'min na second year na sila. hindi ko pinagmamalaki batch namin, alam ko nga na kaya nila eh, kaya ng second year. PERO, ayaw nila. ayaw nilang ayusin at hangga't ayaw nilang ayusin i will remain like this, fooling around, just like what they are doing. arghh! please put up a good fight. hindi ko sinabing matatalo namin kayo, ang point ko is sana maging seryoso naman kayo for once, kasi kung hindi niyo aayusin at just in case matalo namin kayo...hindi macre-credit sa'min yung panalo dahil hindi niyo inayos. please show us what to do! please show us na second year na kayo and please show us what effort is all about!

**Lord, we thank You for giving us talents that we amy not only share with our friends but also for the people who needs such. We thank You for giving us certain oppurtunities wherein we may be able to showcase our talents and capabilities. We lift everything up to You. We lift our lives, we lift our faith and we lift our name, Amen

...hala nakalimutan ko!

2008-10-20T03:51:00.000-07:00

as i woke this morning there's only one thing i remembered,"hala, p.e. today no...i hate swimming!" yun lang nothing else. when we arrived in school i remembered something again,"oh no! i didn't post another thing in my blog yesterday!".you may think it's not a big deal but for me it is. simply because i want to keep my promises since the first day i wrote in this blog, i want to achieve my goal of having a promise to be made' cause in my whole life i haven't accomplished a single promise. maybe because i'm too scared to make or reach those goals or simply because i don't have enough basis in doing such things. maybe because i'm not entitled to fulfill those promises or maybe because i'm just damn foolish that i don't remember that there's a possibility that i hurt anyone else.

ARGH!

i hate myself! i hate my life! i hate those promises. (sori kung sa tingin niyo mababaw--> but wait i'll explain thoroughly) maraming beses na akong umiyak and nagalit sa sarili ko. umabot pa sa isang time na i told myself i would never be the same. i was hurt with someone. i hurt myself and i believe nasaktan ko rin yung mga taong nagmamahal sa'kin(just in case meron). it's hard to remind myself over and over again na MICHAEL ITO KA NA DAPAT na HOY! DIBA BAGO KA NA? nakakainis, mahirap pala, mahirap palan magpanggap. tawagin niyo na akong plastic kung gusto niyo pero naging mapagpanggap na ako in so many times. nagpanggap ako na mabait ako. nagpanggap ako na magaling ako. want more...ito na ung worst...

NAGPANGGAP AKO NA HINDI AKO NASASAKTAN.

grabe noh! isipin niyo, magpanggap ka na hindi ka nasasaktan, na wala kang pakiramdam...ang hirap nun. i hate promises. i hate those useless promises. those promises to be broken. i hate everything else. KAINIS TALAGA! i would like to end this in a simple quote(original): Promises ensure so many things; promises also ensures that promises is to be broken. (gets niyo?)(dual meaning!)(go people)

**Heavenly God, we would like to praise You for giving us another day in this kingdom. We have done unfair things to You once if not twice that may have affected our lives. You have given us so many things that a single prayer or a single word is not enough in expressing our gratitude. Love and unselfishness are simple things You have continously given us. We walk, we laugh; and the best part...we fall and stand up again. In promises we make, may we see a light through the smallest hole that we see, a light that may change our lives forever, Amen

...nakakahingal na

2008-10-18T05:31:00.000-07:00

...konti pa...kunting-konti na lang, malapit na; malapit ko ng maabot ang minimithiing tagumpay. HALA!!bakit naman ganun, ako lang ang kumikilos para muling itaas ang Basilan. minsan pa nga hindi nila yun nakikita. nakakapagod talaga, isipin niyo sa paggising ko at pagkatapos ko magdasal ay isa lang ang parating pumapasok sa isip ko, sana hindi masira araw ko. bakit? kasi pagnasira araw ko hindi lang ako ang mahihirapan at magkukumahog, kaming lahat. nakakainis talaga ang buhay...nakakahilo na nga eh, paikot-ikot lang tayo, lalo na tong buhay ko parang wala ng katapusan. alam ko na! nakapagisip na ako ng solusyon, hahayaan ko silang magalok sakin ng tulong, hindi ako aayaw. GO LANG NG GO! bahala sa kanila, it's all up to them if they will help me put up a new reputation in this class. isa lang ang dahilan kong bakit ko gustong gawin ang lahat ng to, simple lang dahil mahal ko ang section na to.

mahal ko ang mga kaklase ko

(except for one, dahil he's not a student, his a useless dirty old ignorant man that is not aware about the effects of his actions), mahal ko yung teachers namin(kahit minsan kasuklam-suklam talaga sila, mahal ko pa rin sila), and siguro everything else. this is the best section i've ever had. dito ako natutong mag-stand up sa pinaniniwalaan mo, dito ko natutunan ang lahat tungkol sa pagmamahal ng kaibigan at higit sa lahat dito ko natutunan na sa bawat pagkadapa ay kinakailangan nating tumayo dahil meron pang mas mahalagang bagay ang nagaantay sa atin. mas mahalaga pa kaysa sa bawat luha ng winawangis. kanina nagpraktis kami para sa contest sa a.p. masaya. sobrang saya. halos tapos na namin. marami na naman kaming natutunan, ngunit ang isang bagay na pinakanatutunan namin ngayong araw ay ang paghirapan ang lahat ng bagay. hindi mo makukuha ang iyong minimithi sa isang kisapmata. grabe...

!!! gusto ko ulit pasalamatan si kirby (for the third time) PINAHIRAM NIYA SAKIN UNG EXTRA BATTERY NIYA...bwaaa... haha, andami kong utang hindi lang sa'yo kirby, kundi sa buong basilan na rin. babawi tayo, babangon tayo, gagawa tayo ng ating sariling reputasyon.

**Panginoon, tunay nga pong ipinagpapala niyo ang bawat isa sa amin. Naging magulo po ang mga unang linggo namin sa unang taon sa hayskul. Marami po kaming naging problema, kasama na po rito ang aming pakikitungo sa bawat kamag-aral. Ngayon po tulungan niyo kaming mamuhay bilang iisa. Iisa sa mithiin yun po ang magbiga karangalan sa inyo mahal naming Ama, Amen

"let her learn it in a hard way"...

2008-10-17T06:10:00.000-07:00

it was just last year when i wanted this poor skunk to be the top student in our batch(well, i don't know the reason at all. maybe because i THOUGHT she was nice or maybe because the creature that i wanted to be the second was worse than this skunk. this year we became friends...(eww) not close friends, excuse me! i treated her as an ordinary person that is because i want to treat other people as i want them to treat me...normal. few days, weeks, months; we've been together but during those times she changed, then changed then change, then totally change.ugh!!!(those were my stupid days) nakakainis lang dahil sa isang open forum nila(well, so called open forum na parang walang effect cause they've done it for about 3 days in a row) diniscuss niya na ayaw niya yung other people treating or telling her na: 'wala porke valedictorian','wala mayabang ka'; oo! tama! hindi naman talaga dapat ganun, we should not use a simple accomplishment para i-treat sila nang ganun.(aba sumang-ayon din pala ako sa kanya kahit minsan) hindi pa naman siya nakatawid sa lubid na nakataas ang isang paa diba? lumunok na ba siya ng bus? hindi pa! (etoh na) days again pass, narinig ko siya, telling a teacher na: 'you're a liar...','...i'm not a B class student'.hala! naririnig mo ba yang sinasabi mo. akala ko ba ayaw mo ng binabanggit yung pagiging A class student mo. (as she refer herself to) naku!! bobo ka pala! hindi mo naririnig yang sinasabi mo. sige ipamukha mo sa'kin na matalino ka, oo luluhod ako sayo; pero siguraduhin mo rin na competitive ka, na pwede kang gumawa ng sayaw, literary pieces, so on(i won't bother to continue wala rin tong magiging effect sa filthy skunk na yun). one more thing, sobrang lakas niyang magpamukhang ikaw ang may kasalanan. iiyak siya na parang namatayan siya tapos ikaw ang sisisihin sa lahat, oo! as in lahat! iiyak-iyak pa sisigaw ng OH MY GOSH! SHUT UP! naku naman, siguro gasgas na yung mga salita na yun. hala naman! baka naman yun lang talaga ang alam niyang salit, mga salitang pambabastos. daig niya pa ang linta ng dumikit sa katawan ng taong di gaya niya, sisipsipin ka hanggang maubos at kapag nagalit ka sasabihin na ikaw my kasalanan. sasabihin nung linta na yun na: "oh my gosh, i'm not a B class student, everyone's a liar...shut up...ikaw kaya my kasalanan. kawawa naman siya nangingita-ngita ko na mababaliw siya in due time. kawawang tao este kawawang hayop. kawawang linta hinigop niya ang sarili niya dugo...bwahaha:)) DALAWA NA LANG ANG PWEDE MANGAYARI, PATAWARIN KO SIYA SA PAMAMAGITAN NG PAGHALIK NIYA SA AKONG PAA O HABANG BUHAY NIYA NG TITIISING MABUHAY NA WALA KAMI!

*subukan mong umiyak sa school at ipamukha sa'kin lahat ikaw ang mananagot sa'kin kakaladkarin ko yang mata mo hanggang sa matuyo't hindi na makapaglabas ng luha.

**Lord, we have done many problems that may or may have affected a lot. We have stumbled too many times in life, but you have never leaved us and you were always there, ready to carry us. We have been your cross. We have increased your suffering, We repent for all thos stuff. We ask you to please let us realize the faults of each other. That fair treatment will be given to everybody. No top student. No most competitive student. Just be with us, Amen

Manners?!

2008-10-16T06:04:00.000-07:00

Hay...parang kahapon lang nung computer class namin muntik ko na maging katabi ang sa tingin ko huling taong pipiliin kong iligtas sa panahon ng piligro...grabeh thanks to Kirby for the second time...:):D(una ung shorts nung free day) dahil sa kanya na save ako...*sigh*ngayon pinaiyak niya ang isa sa mga kaibigan ko...hindi ko alam kung bakit kailangan sa section pa namin siya mapunta... bakit kaya? kasi kasumpa-sumpa kaming lahat?...or siguro ka-level namin siya?(hala!) asa naman siguradong hindi yun dahil magkakalevel lang kami...*ting*(my bumbilyang bubukas)...(sa ulo ko)... alam ko na...siguro kaya siya nilagay sa section namin is because para maiayos namin buhay niya... WHAT?! parang mali...oo mali nga!maling-mali! hindi nga namin siya ma-influence ng tama...siya naman ang nag-iinfluence;hindi good kundi bad...(sorry if i don't mention this asshole's name, i just don't mind caring for STRANGERS) etoh pa...maraming nagkakacrush sa gurang na yun...kawawa naman ung mga nilalang na yun...hindi nila kilala ung lalaking yun;hindi nila alam ang lahat ng kahihiyan na ibinibigay niya sa section namin....(bubukas a flourescent light...)(...ayun mas maliwanag...)alam ko na talaga!!!siguro kaya siya nilagay dahil nga walang perfect sa mundo...nyahahah....(sorry if medyo tunog bayas...hihihi) ...siguro the least thing i could do is live with this situation...sa isang sitwasyon na dalawang bagay lang ang sigurado...barahin ko siya araw-araw or didedmahin ko siya,FOR LIFE! as in for life, ung parang sa kasal na: 'til death do us part'...pero kami different version...:D 'till deah do us apart'.(bubukas ang maraming-maraming ilaw este spotlight)...(mas maliwanag)...alam ko na gagawin ko...siguradong-sigurado na ako, i will simply live my life as i have lived it before; no fear for the following day and only one thing in mind...to be the best i can be!

**Lord, I ask for your blessing. May I surpass this situation I am in;without hatred, fear and sadness. I know that it is hard for me to give my trust to such people but I must always remember that You know everything that may happen in our journey in life. As i walk, my I meet crossroads that will let me make an eternal decision. As I cry, may I recieve more tears from heaven that will let me release all my hatred; and as I reach for my goals, may I see a short string that will show me that life is not as easy as a single blink. Amen.

masakit!

2008-10-15T06:10:00.001-07:00

sori if i have to post this seperately.(well, actually tinatamad lang kasi akong mag-edit ng mag-edit) just now as in 9:12 ng gabi( and 47 seconds) October 15, 2008; nabasa ko ang blog ng aking pinakamamahal na kapatid. grabe, hindi niyo lang alam kong gaano kasakit ung masabihan ka ng useless(actually, hindi sinab...pinost sa NET)grabe...i have promised my self not to cry over things, pero panu mo maalis ung luha na yun kung mismong kapatid(kadugo) mo na ang nagsabi sayo na useless ka....!!!and worst nakapost sa net:| bahala na...mahal ko siya eh, rerespetuhin ko na lang siya kahit hindi na as a brother as a person na lang(kahit hindi niya na ako tinuturing na tao) bawat pawis na pumapatak sa tuwing aangkinin niya ang bentilador at bawat luhang tumutulo sa tuwing nasasabihan niya ako ng wala ka taagang utak...may katumbas yun na pagmamahal na mas namumukod tangi...sabi nga sa Bibliya: "love your enemies...".panu kong ung enemy mo is ung taong pinakagusto mong tao sa buong mundo, panu kong yung enemy na yun ang turing sa iyo ay mas mababa pa sa isang aliping pinapakain ng kung anu na lamang...Aliping puso, kailan pa kaya ito makakaalis sa pagkakagapos?!

**Panginoon, marami pong mga bagay na dapat naming ipagpasalamat sa INYO.Kahit na maraming bagay ang nagpupumilit sa aming sumuko, mas nakikita po namin ang mga taong mahalaga sa amin na nagpapakita ng aming natatanging lakas. Lakas na mula sa pagmamahal namin sa kanila. Maraming salamat po talaga sa lahat.

exhaustion...

2008-10-15T05:48:00.000-07:00

ugh...great!! i need a long break. pero bakit ganun maikli lang ung break. everything is fine. my body is alright. but i need a rest, not for my body but for my mind. it has been a long time since i paused for a while and cleared everything. i can't do it right now...maraming umaasa sakin.(ayun na yun marami kasing umaasa!) i can't just pause and forget everything...every little thing that happened to me is important. mahihirapan akong magcope kung titigil ako sa pag-iisip sa mga oras na to. MAHIRAP NGA. AYOKO NA.:(( kasi naman sana lahat na lang ng tao pare-pareho, especially para sakin kasi hindi madali makuha ang trust ko lalo na kung mahalaga un. sana lahat na lang marunong kumanta, sumayaw, umarte etc. HALA! but i think it won't work either... cause if everyone is same then no new ideas would be seen. GRABE, ayoko na... matapos lang lahat ng kailangan tapusin tapos dun na ako titigil...ipipikit ko ang mga mata ko...titigil...hihinga ng malalim.KAKALIMUTAN LAHAT!

**Lord, just stay with me and never leave me. For you are my shoulder that keeps me on the track. Lord, please remind me of the things that I should or should not do. Please help me do things according to your will, Amen.

kailangan ko gawin to!

2008-10-14T06:12:00.000-07:00

ang daming nangyari this past weeks kaya i've decided to do these things:

1. rest! naku tama nga kailangan ko nga magrest...rest is al i need...i take things super seriously as in seriously...arghh...kailangan ko magrelax and be reminded na nasa mundo pa rin ako sa magulong bansang tatawagin kong pilipinas(well, yun naman talaga)

2. look back! masyado na akong nakatuon sa future...sa academic week...intrams...3rd quarter arghhh...stop muna, siguro kung may bibig lang ung utak ko naririndi na ako sa kakatalak nito sakin dahil ayokong magpaawat...i need to stop for a while...stop clammoring about things...hala....arghh...

3. promise...oo promise talaga! kaya pala magulo ung buhay ko...kasi magulo rin ung talaan ko ng mga bagay-bagay.(talaan=blog) andami ko kasing blog. i will settle with this blog...mas maraming may alam nito...okei na to at least meron diba. mas mahirap kung wala...siguro kung wala akong pinagtatalaan or pinagsasabihan ng mga laman ng isip ko...siguro matagal na akong patay at nabubulok na ako sa mga oras na to...(sori sa mga kumakain habang nagbabasa)

4. release! (pasubali po ulit sa mga kumakain) kailangan ko ng ilabas ang aking mga saloobin. gaya nga ng pamagat ng isa ko pang blog 'nakukubling pananaw'.ilalabas ko na to...oo...promise.!

-->well promise talaga...lahat yan:)) promise rin...mag-uupdate na ko.:))nyahahah

**Panginoon, kayo na pong bahala sa akin. Nawa'y sa aking bawat pagbagsak matuto akong tumayo at lalo pang maging mas matibay. Kayo na pong bahala sa mga bagay na mangyayari sa akin. Nawa'y gamitin ko ang mga iyon para mas lalo pa kayong pagpurihan, Amen.